nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
