are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and i looked up. we had an audience...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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