is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
