I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
