At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
