he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
