nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
