Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
