so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
