dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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