I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
