wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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