I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
