How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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