Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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