dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
