And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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