I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
