During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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