: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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