I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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