My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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