If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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