he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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