I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
