I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
