weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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