awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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