I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
