I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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