Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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