this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
