Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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