the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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