did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
