I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
