Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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