Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
