he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to make out with him forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
