At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
