she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I intend to get homeless drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
