If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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