omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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