just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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