Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
