Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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