I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
