Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
