You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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