She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
