glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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