Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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