Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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