Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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