Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
