So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
