My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
