Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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