It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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