I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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