I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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