When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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