She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
