Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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