I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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