OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
false alarm, still single
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize