sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
